Chapter One: First Night in America

Maple D'harcey sat in her room on her bed, Indian-style. She hated it where she was. She hated this country. Why? Well, merely because it wasn't Germany. It was America. Supposedly her older sister Ginger would get paid more than she did in Germany. Maple loathed the decisions her sister made sometimes.

Ginger hadn't even talked to Maple or her sisters before she made the decision. Maybe she just assumed that Maple and her sisters would like it there so she didn't have to tell them.

Sure, Maple loved American music. And sure, she had taken a liking to a lot of American novels.

But she also liked tomatoes more than she liked wurst. That didn't mean she wanted to go to Spain. She was fascinated by the technology Estonia had. That didn't mean she wanted to go to Estonia. She was an Otaku. That didn't mean she wanted to go to Japan. She really enjoyed tea and scones. That sure as heck didn't mean she wanted to move to the UK or Austria.

So that wouldn't be logical.

They hadn't even moved to a good neighborhood, or even a a good city for that matter. She was told to deal with it and to make the best of it. She was told to be happy and to try to make new friends.

She couldn't. That wasn't something she did. She couldn't be happy because of her depression. She couldn't make new friends because she was too anti-social to try to make friends if someone didn't talk to her first. Honestly, she didn't want to make new friends or play with anyone or even talk. She wanted to just sit down in the corner and write in her journal or play video games or read manga.

She reached under her bed and pulled out a trunk. She unlocked it and took a black and white notebook that had the Prussian flag design on the cover and opened it to the first page. She had had another journal before, and sever al others as she wrote an entry every day since she was three, but she started a new one for her new life in America. She picked up a pencil and began to write.

Dear Diary,

Yeah, I'm starting with that, but that doesn't mean I'm one of those girls who are always writing pointless stuff in their diaries for the sole reason that they just can. This is a super special diary.

Today I finally arrived at my new house. I hate it here. It's like I died and God forced me to go down to Hell. In case you didn't know, I'm in America. Stupidest country on the face of this Earth. Besides France and China, but that's judging from my anime, so whatever.

Anyway, I was contemplating suicide or something just to get myself out of here. At church, I was taught children don't go to Hell. thought always stops me...

"What would King Fredrick do?" Now, I know you're probably wondering who the heck Fredrick is, so I'll explain.

King Fredrick Williams II of Prussia, otherwise known as Fredrick the Great or Der Alte Fritz. is the king who brought Prussia to greatness. He is my idol, my inspiration, my source of motivation. When things got tough, he didn't just say, "Bye peeps, we're screwed, so I'm out" and kill himself. He stood up and fought.

Thinking about Prussia leads me to something else right now. Prussia was awesome, right? Yeah, and according to my history textbook, Prussia sent military leaders to help America out with the Revolutionary War. Can you see where I'm going with this?


If Prussia cared enough to help America, America must have DESERVED it. And the only way there's even a slight chance that America could have even REMOTELY deserved Prussia's help is if America was awesome. Yeah?


"Maaaaaay~" It was Ginger.

"Was?" Maple yelled back in response.

"It's time for dinner! And I've told you, no more German! We aren't in Germany anymore!"


She picked up her pencil and finished her entry.

It's time for me to go eat dinner now I guess. I'll write another entry tonight before I go to sleep, I guess.

~Maple D'harcey, soon-to-be failure at being considered a "normal" kid by American standards

She sighed end stood up, tossing her journal on her bed.

As she went down the stairs, she muttered under her breath, "Friedrich der Große, leid mir Kraft..."

Chapter Two:  Meeting Zim and Dib

Maple woke up the next morning with a headache and a sore neck, as well as a throbbing pain in her chest, but she didn't think much of her chest pains anymore. She got up and went over to her closet.

She decided to wear her favorite outfit: a black, red, and gold t-shirt with the black eagle of the Prussian flag on it, beige boys' cargo shorts, and black German military boots. She put in her black Prussian eagle earrings in and put a silver necklace with an obsidian and opal "PRUSSIAN AND PROUD" charm on it around her neck. She brushed her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail before putting on her black and white-rimmed glasses.

"Ten more minutes before you have to go to school!" Ginger called.

"Whatever!" Maple responded before sitting down on her bed and picking up her pencil and notebook.

Dear Diary,

Today is my first day of school. To say the very least, I'm kind of nervous. Although, one good point is, I'll probably scare at least a few people! Ginger sent me to some sort of social hour or whatever last night after dinner at some church or something, and I just stayed silent. It actually freaked a few people out. Strength + silence = intimidating. So now I'm in Sve's position pretty much... Woo!

Another thing that should be fun: I've heard the students at this school are either perverted or thing they're better than everyone else or a bully. That means I'll be allowed to justly hurt several people!

I've also heard boys here like girls with accents. Can't really blame them, though. I've always thought standard American accents are really cool.

Anyway, it seems it's almost time for me to go, so I need to decide what my main non-English language for today will be.

~Maple, the soon-to-be newest girl in the class

She tossed her notebook into her backpack along with her pencil and laid back on her bed and tried to decide on a language other than English should be for that day.

German. It was her first language, but she wasn't allowed to use it.

Hungarian. It was a pretty language and fit her accent, but she still had difficulty pronouncing a lot of the words.

Estonian. It was rather easy to pronounce the words, but that didn't fit her accent and she had difficulty with deciphering verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and nouns.

Romanian. She was extremely fluent and it would probably be able to help her scare people a bit more due to a few of the Romanian stereotypes, but that didn't fit her accent either.

She got up and slung her backpack over her shoulder and headed out the front door and jogged to the bus stop.

A black-haired boy with lavender eyes and green skin wearing a reddish dress-thing, black boots, and black gloves.

"Hello," he said. "I am normal."

Maple rolled her eyes and said the first thing that came to mind: "Halt die Klappe."

"Eh?! Alien!" He jabbed a finger in Maple's direction. "You are inhuman!"

Maple's eye twitched slightly. "Ich...ich...du... Du bist ein Idiot."

"Take off your pathetic disguise! Now! You are no normal human Earth larva!"

"Halt einfach die Klappe schon!"

Someone grabbed Maple's shoulders from behind. "Inhuman? Inhuman? How is she inhuman? What makes you think that? She's perfectly human, moron!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." The green boy rolled his eyes. "How could you think she's actually human?" He sighed, closed his eyes, and shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't think you were this stupid, Dib-stink. She doesn't even speak like a human!"

"Zim...there's more than one language spoken on Earth. We're speaking English. She's speaking some form of European language, I think. I also do believe she told you to shut up."

Maple pushed the boy off and sat down on a bench. "Ja."

"Idiot," the green-skinned boy - Zim, was it? Whatever, Maple didn't really care anyway - retorted. "It's pronounced 'yeah'."

"In several different languages, 'yes' is spelled 'J-A', and the J ofted acts as a Y," the other boy responded.

The two began bickering, so Maple just tuned them out and began writing again.

Dear Diary,

Okay, so, I'm sitting at the bus stop now. I just met two morons, Zim and Dib I think, but who cares?

Anyway, the Zim kid called me an alien for speaking German. Yes. Because Germany is such a different place than Earth itself that it almost physically hurts. But whatever. It's logical. And German is like...the farthest thing from English. I mean, it's so freaking different that I want to literally DIE.

He's definitely an alien. However...I expected a real alien to look more like Tony from Hetalia or one of the Steves from HetaOni. Meh, whatever.

Oh, looks like the bus is here. I'll write more next time I get some free time. Well, if I feel like it.

~Maple, the soon-to-be alien hunter

Chapter Three: The Bus Ride to School

Maple stood up and got on the bus, taking to single seat in the very back of the bus. But intead of sitting in the seat, she sat on the floor.


Maple looked up. It was that four-eyed weirdo with the big head. Dib.

"Was?" Maple growled, pulling out a Hetalia manga and opening it to the middle. It was a wonderfully gay moment with France, but she tried not to smile.

"What do you mean, 'was'?"

"German, idiot."

He nodded briefly before typing some thing into his cell phone. "Hallo."

"If you can't really speak German without a traslator, don't speak it at all."

"Fine, anyway, I have a few things to fill you in on." He took out his laptop and clicked on something before turning it so Maple could see the screen. "Zim is an alien. I've been stalking him for quite a while and I watch him extremely closely, so I should know. Now, before you call me crazy, just think about it.

"What am I thinking about? How stupid and creepy you sound right now?"

Dib sighed and face-palmed. "No. About all the ways Zim seems inhuman. I mean, thinking German is an alien language? I mean, what the heck?"

"Nein. Nein. Not 'what the heck is up with thinking German is an alien language'. It isn't that at all. The real question is, what the crap is up with that head of yours?"

"...It isn't that big."

Maple pulled a helmet out of her backpack and handed it to Dib. "Legen Sie auf."

Dib paused for a moment before attempting to put it on, but it was too small.

"That is my helmet. I have an average-sized head. Sie sind dafür willkommen."

The large-headed child didn't respond.

"Would you like to know where you and Zim will be in ten years or so?"

"Sure, I guess I'm kind of curious about your thoughts on that subject."

"Either this." She flipped to a different page and held it up for Dib to see. "You'd be him." She pointed to Romania, who was in the shadows being a stalker. "And he would be Zim." She pointed at England, the one who Romania was stalking.


"Or," Maple continued, "there's also this possibility." She pulled out another manga, opened it, and pointed at France, who was blushing madly while staring at Austria through a window. "And he would be Zim." She pointed at Austria, who was clueless to the creeper pervert staring at him.

"" Dib looked slightly sickened. "I can sorta see the first one, but the second one? That's just - WAIT IS THAT GUY BLUSHING?"

"Ja, so?"

"That is No. That would never happen."

"Sie leugnen es, weil es wahr ist."

Dib closed his computer and sat down somewhere else.

Maple took out her notebook again and began writing again.

Dear Diary,

I'm starting to think this Dib guy is gay. Just a little bit, at least. He seemed a bit hasty and nervous when he denied his relationship to Zim would be like France and just about every young woman and every country in the world when they get older. Or...maybe it's a Spamano type of relationship! Hmm...

But I know for a fact Dib is a stalker. He ADMITTED it.

I wonder how Der Alte Fritz would deal with the situation that I've been trapped in...

Oh, It looks like the bus has pulled up into the school parking lot Waaaaaaiiiiiit. The school is labelled simply just "Skool." I am beginning to hate it already. This is just purely STUPID. I don't even think I'm going to learn anything.

Although...from the looks of this place, if I do learn something, it'll be graphic, kinda screwed up, and a bit more than just a little bit creepy. I might have some fun.

~Maple, the soon-to-be straight A student

She tossed her notebook in her backpack and stood up, pushing past everyone to get off. She took a deep breath and walked through the front doors. It was the first day, so she had to make a good impression.

Well...any impression she made probably wasn't going to be a good impression.

A better way to word it would be, She had to make a first impression that would make everyone know how scary and strong a weak-looking twelve-year-old girl could really be, and a first impression that would make smart people understand that messing with her was one of the stupidest ideas they could ever make.

Chapter Four: The Best Into in the History of Intros

Maple was the last one to enter the classroom.

"This is our newwest student, Maple D'harcey," Ms. Bitters announced, handing Maple a piece of paper. "Fill in the blanks with what it tells you to and then you will be required to come up to the front of the class and read it."

"Aber-" Maple tried to protest.

"I hate this new program as much as you do, but you don't see me complaining. Now go sit down or you get detention for a week!"

Maple huffed and stormed to the only open desk to complete the paper she was given.

When she was finished, she stood up and went to the front of the classroom to read her paper, adding a fe bits of her own.

"Hello. My name is obviously Maple D'harcey as the freakish demon teacher-"

Ms. Bitters leaned forward until her face was right next to Maple's and growled, but Maple simply just blinked and continued reading.

"-already said but apparently I have to repeat that because of this stupid paper. I am completely German and Prussian, I transferred here from Germany, and my first language because..." She mumbled the rest of the sentence, as the rest of it was blank and she had to fill in why. Why was she German-Prussian? Why was she born and raised in Germany? Why was her first language German? What was that even supposed to mean? She then continued: "My favorite song is 'Das Deutschlandlied' because it is the German national anthem. My favorite colors are white, black, red, and yellow because white and black are the colors of the Prussian flag and black, red, and yellow are the colors of the German flag. My main ho-"

One kid raised his hand.


"What is Prussia?" he asked.

"I will slaughter you tonight while you're sleeping. I will drag you into a dark alley and I will make you eternally silent. I will have fun with it because you deserve to die now."

The kid fidgeted. Maple then continued.

"My main hobbies are reading manga, watching anime, writitng, and playing video games because said activities are entertaining or why else would I even consider them hobbies? I am Protestant because I feel like it or else I obviously wouldn't be. A few of my dislikes are you morons, stupid idiots, supernaturally enormous heads of idiot boys, and the idiot who added a 'because' to everything on this stupid paper because I just do. I speak Deutsche, Eestlane, Magyar nyelv, Român, and obviously English. and I'm learning Беларускія, because I want to and I can. I hate you all and I hope you all die horrible, miserable deaths."

She glared at everyone, some people shying away from her icy gaze. She crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the wastebasket before sitting back down.

The teacher then opened the book that was on her desk and droned on about something that probably no one even cared about, so Maple pulled out her journal to write another entry.

Dear Diary,

That large-headed boy is breathing on me. I want to turn around and stab him in the face so badly. I won't, though. At least...not yet. I highly doubt Der Alte Fritz would act so quickly, so I definitely won't.

Anyway, I gave my introduction. It was pretty much the best introduction in the history of the history of all introductions ever made. So yeah.

Currently the stupid teacher is rambling on and on and onnnnnnnn about some random crap that I doubt is even worth listening to.

Now that moron is trying to show me something on his laptop. Ahem, aren't we in CLASS right now?

I'll be right back then, I guess.

"What do you want?" Maple hissed.

"Just look at this," Dib whispered back. "It's simple proof that-"

Ms. Bitters banged a mallet on her desk. "Dib! Is there something you would like to share?"

Maple stood up and spoke loudly: "Ja, there is something very important he would love to confess but is too shy to say. He is completely gay, and he has the hots for Zim. That's why he's always creepily stalking him. Das ist alles."

Dib's eye twitched, and Zim looked completely repulsed and sickened.

"Th-that isn't true!"

"You sick, screwed up, insane, revolting, tainted filth-human!"

Maple smiled slightly and, while the two fought, she continued her journal.

Well, that was fun. Now everyone thinks Dib is gay and like-likes Zim. My experience at this school is awesome so far. I wonder how many people found that as funny as I did... Whatever, no one cares.

Right now, they're arguing. It's kind of too loud though, if you ask me. I think everyone is enjoying the show. While they're fighting and being morons and such, how about I write down all the peculiar stuff about Dib that takes away his rights to claim that anyone AT ALL is an alien, even if said person is an alien!

1. His HEAD. It's enormous. It's about the freaking size of RUSSIA!

2. He carries super high-tech gadgets in his pocket. He's only like eleven or twelve!

3. As mentioned in reason #2, he's only eleven or twelve. The point that I'm bringing up mentioning his age: children his age, especially American children (or so I've heard), are usually uneducated about what is and isn't humanly possible.

4. He's a CREEPER STALKER WEIRDO. They cannot be trusted.

Oh, it's time for gym. Apparently the class is playing Dodgeball. I'm good at this game. Time to give whoever is on the opposite team a taste of my strength!

~Maple, the soon-to-be Dodgeball master

Everyone in the class stood up and headed out the classroom door in a somewhat-organized single-file line.

When they got to the gym, which was apparently brand new but probably no one cared, the gym teacher leaned in next to Maple and whispered to her, "Look, kid, it seems you're new here. This game can get pretty intense, so I'll advise you to try to not get too involved to avoid humiliation."

"Vögeln du!" Maple shot back angrily. "Stupid idiot! I'll bet a hundred euros that I'll win the game for my team!"

"...Let's just hope your body is as strong as you think it is."

"I don't think it is, moron, ich weiß!"

The teams were assigned and it was time for the game to begin.

Chapter Five: A Quick Game of Dodgeball

Maple was put on the same team as Zim.

At least I'm not over there with that homo, she thought, a mischevious smile crossing her face.

Though, however confident she was, she knew she wasn't completely invincible. She had one weak spot. Sure, just one. But that's all it took. One weak point, one lucky guess, one darn good shot. That's all it would take.

Her chest.

She pulled on her black, yellow, and red fingerless gloves and pushed up her glasses. The coach blew the whistle, and everyone besides Maple scrambled to get their hands on a ball before anyone else did.

Maple stood in the corner of the court, trying to make herself look vulnerable. Just as expected, several balls were thrown in her direction, though she dodged most of them and caught three.

"You guys don't use your brains, do you?" she sighed, throwing the three balls, putting all her strength behind each throw.

"I mean, it's a known fact that Dib must have the biggest brain, right?" She dodged behind the closest teammate when a dodgeball came her way, until she was the only one still left on her team.

"But then again, perhaps his huge head is just empty, ja?"

She stopped a ball with her foot, and sent it flying back with a powerful kick. "Or maybe not. But then, maybe the Lithuanians knew what they were doing when they stripped the gays of their rights!" She balled her hands into fists and put her hands on her hips. "You do understand where I'm comin' from, right?"

She fixed her ponytail and smiled innocently. "The next most obvious choice would be Sarah, yeah?"

She kept this up until they were fighting with each other, trying to figure out who's planning could come up with an accurate way to hit the clever German. All the balls were on her side anyway, though, so it wouldn't even matter if they came up with a working plan. She could throw quickly and accurately, so before any of them would even have a chance to aim a ball, they would already have been hit. And even if someone was able to throw it after aiming, Maple would probably just sidestep it or catch it and throw it back.

"Baka~!" she screeched, pelting the other team with balls and smirking.

Within a matter of seconds, she had won. She took a breath from her inhaler, pushed up her glasses and took a drink of water before saying, "Die Deutschen sind immer überlegen."

She tightened the laces on her boots and raced back to the classroom to set up a prank. Something to say, "Nimm das, Verlierer."

Chapter Six: Pain and Pride

The rest of the day dragged by slowly, but eventually the day came to an end and the bell rang. She slung her backpack over her shoulder and jumped out the window. It was raining, but she didn't care. It wasn't nearly as bad as the conditions she was used to during the winter.

She felt as if she was being followed by someone. She turned around to see a little boy, around age six or seven, bounding after her.

"Alo, Maple," he said in a surprisingly calm voice, his voice laced with a thick Romanian accent.

Maple just rolled her eyes and continued walking.

"I'm here for a reason," the little boy continued.

"Whatever," Maple growled. "What do you want from me?"

"Your research has brought you to discover several interesting things. You are quite proud that you are a descendant of your idol. You also seem to take pride in being related to Adolf Hitler somewhere along the line, and that you have Nazi blood coursing thickly through your veins." He chuckled and smiled a little. "I kind of wish I was still clueless, reckless, and hateful enough to appreciate that sort of thing..."

Maple sighed dramatically and used her foot to soak the little boy's clothes. "I don't care."

"Your third favorite anime encourages you to study your family's history. It slid the painful truth so far into your head that no matter how much you want to, there's nothing that can get rid of the knowledge. But you don't want it anymore."

She knew it was all true. She knew that there were things one of the anime she loved had encouraged her to study and right after she regretted it. So what? Little kids hardly ever even understood what they were saying half the time. "What are you even talking about, idiot?"

"In your studies, you realized that a lot of your family was slaughtered by the German soldiers. They fought to keep Prussia alive, but they were killed in the process. And what were they rewarded with?"

It was like a knife piercing her heart. Every word was true. "It doesn't matter to me what happened. All that matters is that I'm right here right now whether hectic crap happened in my family's past or not. Where there is happiness in the world, there will be tradgedy."

"That's the thing." He jumped in a puddle, getting water all over Maple's boots and shorts. "You do care. It hurts you because you know the people you could have known fought to try to keep their country, but instead they died, and those who didn't were forced to watch everything they had worked for just crumble and fade away."

Maple bit her lip. Dang, this kid knew how to break people. He knew how to make words hurt worse than swords and knives. "You say that as if I'm supposed to care."

"You use your pride to mask your pain. There's a song I want to sing to you, and I want you to really ponder the lyrics, okay?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Been given twenty-four hours

To tie up loose ends,

To make amends.

His eyes said it all,

I started to fall,

And the silence deafened."

His voice was beautiful. The childish tone in his voice had almost completely vanished and he sang each word clearly and perfectly.

"Head spinning 'round.

No time to sit down.

Just wanted to

Run and run and run.

Be careful, they say.

Don't wish life away.

Now I've one day."

He jumped about seven feet forward and turned around, lifting his gaze so his dark red eyes met Maple's steel blue ones.

"I can't believe

How I've been wasting my time~!

In twenty-four hours, they'll be

Laying flowers

On my life~!

It's over tonight.~

I'm not messing, no, I

Need your blessing

And your promise to live free.

Please do it for me.~"

He crouched down began picking flowers and putting them in a straw basket that he pulled out of...Maple didn't even know. Actually, she didn't want to believe it, but he pulled it out of nothing. His eyes lightened to a paler shade of red and a slight smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.

"Is there a Heaven? A Hell?

And will I come back?

Who can tell?

Now I can see

What matters to me.

Is as clear as crystal.

The places I've been,

The people I've seen,

Plans that I've made

Start to fade.

The sun's setting gold.

Thought I would grow old.

It wasn't to be.

I can't believe

How I've been wasting time~!

In eighteen hours they'll be

Laying flowers

On my life~!

It's over tonight.~"

He stood back up and tied the stems together to make a crown of flowers. He calmly walked back over to Maple and jumped up so he could place it on her head.

"I'm not messing, no, I

Need your blessing

And your promise to live free.

Please do it for me.~

In thirteen hours,

They'll be

Laying flowers

On my life~!

It's over tonight.~

I'm not messing, no, I

Need your blessing

And your promise to live free.

Please do it for me.~

I'm not alone;

I sense it, I sense it.~

All that I said;

I meant it, I meant it.~"

He quickly cleaned the mud off of Maple's boots before standing back up. He slipped off her gloves and pressed her hands together between his and held them up to his mouth so each time he exhaled, it would help heat up her hands.

"I can't believe

How I've been wasting my time~!

In just eight hours,

They'll be

Laying flowers

On my life~!

It's over tonight.~

I'm not messing, no I

Need your blessing

And your promise to live free.

Please do it for me.~

In just one hour,

They'll be

Laying flowers

On my life~!

It's over tonight.~

I'm not messing, no, I

Need your blessing

And your promise to live free.

Please do it for me.~"

He put her gloves back on and stared up into her eyes. Maple saw a spark of light or something flash in his eyes. "Think about it, Domnișoară D'harcey. For a long time. I want you to write your thoughts about it in your journal." He turned and pelted away, going faster than Maple ever would have guessed.

She trudged home. She tried not to focus on anything that the Romanian boy had said, but she couldn't help it. It was all she could think about.

She eventually got home, and went straight up to her room. She sat down at her computer and went to Grooveshark. She sighed and turned on "American Idiot" in hopes of it cheering her up and getting her mind off of the mysterious little boy. She laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. It didn't help.

Maybe I should do what he told me to, she thought, sitting up and pulling her pencil and notebook from her backpack.

Chapter Seven: Him Again

Dear Diary,

I met a strange kid today. He looks like he's in second grade, but somehow...I think he's a lot older. There's this weird aura I felt when he was near me, too. I know how that sounds, but while I was watching anime studying history, I learned that Romanians, Brits, and Norwegians can use magic. Seems pretty legit.

But anyway, he sang a song and stuff, and told me to think about it and write about it. I don't really want to, but I can't really get my mind off of it. I'm assuming it's called "Twenty-Four Hours" or something similar to that.

Of course, I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but that song made me really think. And it made me scared. Like...really scared. Not really in a normal way. It was like my blood was ice, I got really hot even though it was really cold, I couldn't really think at all, and I felt really light-headed like I was going to pass out. The weirdest part about it, though, was the fact that my whole body went numb. My chest even stopped hurting. I know this description of it is really retarded, but I really can't really explain it any better.

Am I going crazy? It was just a song. It shouldn't have any impact. Just a song.


~Maple, the soon-to-be recognized most pathetic retard ever

She tossed her journal across the room, sighing. This wasn't like her at all. She picked up her laptop and went to Google. She decided that maybe looking at pictures for her OTPs might help. They always seemed to in the past. Clicking on the button labelled "Images," she typed "solkat" in the search bar.

"Not helping," she mumbled. "Not helping at all."

After switching her desktop wallpaper from Ichigo and Zangetsu to some really retarded chibi Karezi thing, she scribbled a stupid chibi-ish IchiRuki picture.

Didn't help either.

She heard a knock at her window, so she closed her laptop and tossed it over to the foot of her bed. She got up and opened the window. A blast of cold air hit her face, along with a bunch of hail. Though the heavy black clouds, and the fact that the sun had almost entirely set, made it just as dark as night time, she could see a sillhoutted figure on her rooftop, walking over to her window. Once it jumped inside and landed on her carpet floor, she could see clearly who it was.

The little boy from earlier that day.

His clothes were soaked and were plastered against his skin. His eyes had lightened considerably, leaving them a pale almost-white orangish-pink color.

"What do you want?" Maple demanded coldly, glaring at the little boy.

He smiled up at the Prussian with his eyes closed and replied, "I just require shelter for tonight. I don't really have any place to sleep tonight since I sort of started a fire where I used to live just a few hours ago. Just for a night, and I promise, I can pay you back for this."

"...You started a fire?"


"In your house?"


"With what exactly?"

"I was cooking and the stove ended up overheating."

"Why were you even cooking?"

"I live by myself. I have to."

"How old are you?"

"Physically or actually?"


"Physically, seven. But I'm a vampire, so actually, I'm around thirty-or-so years old."


"So may I stay here?"


The rest of the evening was full of dull, boring, meaningless conversations. Once there wasn't even a single thing either one of them could think to talk about, they both just went to sleep.

Chapter Eight: Substitute Teacher

Maple's alarm clock went off and she slammed her hand down on the snooze button, as she did three more times afterward before finally getting up as seven o'clock. Seemed the young Romanian was up already, and that he had been up for a good while before Maple.

The Prussian picked up her notebook and pencil. Before she ever started getting ready for school, she always wrote a journal entry since she was up around five or six.

Dear Diary,

That Romanian boy stayed over last night. Apparently his name is Horia. I would write out his last name as well, but to be honest, I have absolutely no clue what to even put as the first letter. Romanian names are weird.

Anyway it turns out I really can't speak Romanian very well because half the time I had no clue what the heck he was saying. He was talking too fast and the Romanians put their words in a retarded order. The German language does sometimes, but not the whole time. Screw the stupid language anyway. I'm awesome with or without knowing it.

Heh. Whatever. No one cares.

~Maple, soon-to-be proven strongest and possibly most arrogant jerk in the school (because I've drawn a blank as to what other crappy title to give myself)

Maple tossed her pencil and notebook in her backpack. She pushed Horia out of her room and locked the door before going over to her closet.

She put on a red shirt with a horizontal white stripe across the middle, a long denim skirt, and her combat boots. She put in Austrian flag earrings and a necklace with a charm of the Austrian flag. She quickly changed the laces of her boots from black to red and white before pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

She had a specific theme for each day of the week. Monday through Friday, she wore something patriotic for each of the ethnicities that were mixed in her blood from the most to the least - German/Prussian, Austrian, Liechtensteiner, Swiss, and Hungarian. Not knowing what should be her outfit theme on on Saturday, she just chose to wear a Cancer-themed outfit. On Sunday, she wore something Protestant-related.

Maple opened her door and ran into the bathroom to brush her teeth and hair before running downstairs and out the front door, not even really caring where Horia decided to go. She half-hoped she'd run into Zim and Dib were there.

Sure enough, when she arrived Zim and Dib were arguing.

"Hallo, idioten." Maple glared and put a hand on her hip.

The two looked over at her and were immediately silent.

Maple scowled and pushed up her glasses, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. She sat down on the bench and pulled out her Haruhi Suzumiya novel. She could vaguely hear the two trying to get her attention, but she just blocked them out. Her book was more important.

Eventually the bus pulled up to the bus stop, and Maple pushed past the two morons and sat down in the back. As anyone could have easily guessed, Zim and Dib were arguing.

Why? No one was forcing them to sit together. Standing, actually. They were standing and arguing on a moving bus. Because that is not hazardous.

But that wasn't the point Maple was trying to silently prove.

Either one of them could just get up and go sit elsewhere. It's like...absolutely hating chocolate ice cream, then buying chocolate ice cream, eating it knowing you absolutely hated it, and still complaining because you absolutely hated it. The two boys' bickering was nowhere above anything other than purely stupid. Actually, in Maple's opinion, it fell far lower.

A loud "SCREW YOU!" from Zim jerked Maple out of her thoughts about the true level of stupidity that the morons' arguing reached. Not that trying to find the exact level of stupidity of something like that is any less stupid. Whatever.

Dirty thoughts crossing the Prussian's mind, she stood up and called to Zim, "Careful what you say! He might actually think you're serious and try to, or just take advantage of the fact you said that in the first place!"

They both looked at her. Dib flushed bright red, Zim looked entirely clueless, and everyone else on the bus burst out laughing.

Three points for Maple D'harcey, zero for Dib Membrane.

Maple silently cursed herself for giving herself points in the first place. She never had been the one to do things like that. She preferred to think of herself more as a chaotic neutral. She never was the type to single out one person like she was, unless they had directly attacked her first. It was her against everyone. That's how it had always worked. Oh well, whatever.

As an idea came to mind, she stood up. Of course, by now there was an existent idea that Dib might be gay. So why not act on the idea she created?

"Zim und Dib in einem Baum sitzt, K-U-S-S-E-N! Zuerst kommt die Liebe, nächstes kommt Ehe, dann kommt der Baby und der ständig Kinderwagen!" she chanted, repeating it a few times before sitting back down. Several of the student didn't stop chanting, but instead kept it going, not even bothering to change it over to English instead of German.

Mission accomplished! Maple thought triumphantly. She reached into her backpack and pulled out her notebook and a pencil.

Dear Diary,

I officially think I've found the two stupidest beings to ever live.

Zim is an obvious alien, and his's just awful. I don't know if he's stupider for choosing something like that, or if everyone else is for not being able to tell what he is.

Dib just seems to be really slow, and his reaction time could use a LOT of work. There's not really anything else to that.

I think maybe my IQ is dropping from their mere presence. It is, I'm going to honestly say, worse than when I read My Immortal. Nd al duh spelin was lik dis nd da mane crakter wuz a goffic stanist mray soo alos evry1 wuz ut off crarctre. Does that help paint a good picture of what I'm going through?

...Looks like it's "skool" time now. I'll write later, if I feel like it.

~Maple, soon-to-be the newest patient at the closest mental institute if two certain retards don't SHUT UP

Maple tossed her things back into her bag and slung it over her shoulder as she got off the bus.

As she walked through the door of the classroom, she noticed a clipboard on Ms. Bitters's desk with a head that said in big, bold text "DEAR CLASS." When all the students were seated, Maple tossed herself down in the teacher's chair and picked it up. She cleared her throat and starting reading it out loud.

"Dear class, I'm going to be absent for the next few days because there's no way I could survive another consecutive school day teaching you. The lot of you are filthy, pathetic mongrels who will lead unimaginably sad lives, and just looking at you makes me sick. I had the decency to leave you all on your own with a list of work and assignments and spare the mentality, sanity, and whatever hope for this generation of whichever substitute would have otherwise filled in for me may have left."

Zim, whose chin was rested on the palm of one of his hands, rolled his eyes. "The teacher unit is the filthy, pathetic mongrel," he grumbled.

Maple smacked a ruled against the desk as hard as she could without breaking it, and jumped to her feet. "It looks as if we need someone to fill in as the teacher for a few days. All in favor of someone who isn't me?"

Most hands were raised, as Maple had expected. She just shrugged and turned on the computer that was sitting under the desk. It's not like it mattered if they wanted her to be the substitute teacher or not.

"Uh-huh, ja, excellent," she said, paying more attention to the monitor than to anything else. "Funny, I nearly forgot that only the teacher's say in this even matters at all. If you want some other fill-in, you're gonna have to take it up with her. Now, class, open your History textbooks to page two hundred eighty-four and read the three final chapters in that book. If you slack off, you have detention, and if you ignore me, I'll snap your neck."

Maple logged onto Grooveshark, then played the playlist that consisted of Bleach character songs and a few Vocaloid songs. She reached out into her backpack and pulled out her History notebook and a pen to doodle whatever came to mind. She was the teacher, after all, so she could do whatever she wanted.

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