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Lesson One: Pronouns

Amethyst sat at a table in the library, waiting for her student to arrive. She was a tutor at the skool, and one of her students was Deathbloom. It was a requirement to learn German in the class, though Deathbloom couldn't really pick up any of it, so the principl decided that it might be easier for her to learn it if she was taught one-on-one with a native speaker of the language.

After about five minutes, Deathbloom entered the library and sat down across the table from Amethyst.

"Why do I have to be here?" she complained. "I'd rather be hurting someone or something."

Amethyst face-palmed. "You suck, that's why. Now let's start." She opened the her book. "In the German language, 'ich' is how you say 'I.' Say it with me now. Ich. Ich. Ich." She paused. "You aren't saying it..."

"It's too hard." Deathbloom leaned back in her chair.

"What do you mean it's too hard? Just say it!"

"I."

"Now in German."

"Nyan Cat."

The Liechtensteinrin just stared back at the Italian. "What...what does that even...?"

"The color purple!" Deathbloom threw the book across the room. "Now let me leave."

Amethyst took a few deep breaths and continued: "'Du' is how you say 'you,' though 'dich' is more commonly used. 'Du' is used at the beginning of sentence, while 'dich' is used at the end."

"Whaaaaa?"

"For example, to say 'You are stupid,' you would say 'Du bist dumm.' To say 'I hate you,' you would say 'Ich hass dich.' Say both sentences with me. Du bist dumm."

Deathbloom remained silent.

Amethyst pretended she said something and said the second sentence. "Ich hass dich."

"Sir Hawk's dick."

Well, at least she said it, right? And it was semi-correct, so that should count, right? Yes, but it didn't count as anything in Amethyst's mind. "...I don't...I just...I don't even...I...WHAT THE FICK?!"

"Continue now..."

"The way you say 'she' in German is 'sie.' It's—"

Deathbloom raised her hand.

"Ja, Deathbloom?"

"Teaaaaacher, I haffa go potty!"

"..."

"Like, I really haffa pee!"

"..."

"Can I go to da torlet and have a wee?!"

"..."

"I'M GUN BLOW UP! I HAFFA MAKE A TINKLE!"

"Don't think that this trick is gonna work. I know you only trying to annoy me and get out of—"

"NO!" She started bouncing up and down. "I HAFFA PEE! IMMA WET MEHSEWF! LEMME GO PEE OR IMMA WET MEHSEWF RIGHT HEWE!"

"Study for the review test tomorrow, good luck, our study session is over."

Deathbloom calmly got up and slowly walked out the library door.

"Verdammt liar..." Amethyst muttered, laying her head down on the table.

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