This story belongs to Strider. Please don't edit this for any reason without permission.
Author's Note: This character came from my want to be apathetic... Now after writing this, I'm fairly certain that complete apathy would be the most painful thing ever. But, uh, yeah, enjoy! ^-^
I sat in my room, staring out the window, watching the rain fall. I wasn't able to get to sleep on nights like this. I could easily hear the loud moaning from my sister's room. I didn't care in the least, though. It just stole my sleep, and that was it.
But that's what bothered me. I couldn't ever seem to care.
Ruri had lied to me, but I didn't care. The pain seared through my veins continuously and relentlessly, but I didn't care. I was always lonely, but I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was my inability to care about anything, and even then, it wasn't really as much of something I cared about as it was a constant annoyance. I simply just did not care.
I was being lied to the whole time I was in the hospital. The damage was severe, and it almost entirely eliminated my emotions. I'd have to relearn how to emotionally feel again. Apathy is bliss, they told me. Though it's anything but. There is no bliss in knowing what your sister and her boyfriend do every other night while being forced to listen to it and lack any motivation to make it end, suffering agony to no end without having any desire of it stopping, being lonely but not having any want for friends, not being able to feel anything.
So many people seem to believe apathy is bliss until they experience it. Then, no matter what ways it benefits them, the pain that collapses on top of them is so much worse than whatever the apathy relieved. It's the worst thing in the world, and yet, I feel like it would just be easier just to get used to it. Even knowing that that's just the apathy making me feel that way, I can't feel any differently no matter how hard I try.
I want this constant, awful feeling gone.
I picked up a knife from a drawer next to the window and ran the blade across my wrists several times. It hurt to the point that I would cry if it bothered me at all. While it soothed my vague half-wants and minor somewhat-problems, it was also a reminder that I couldn't care any less than I already did about the entire world or anything that was on it. It was a painful-but-not reminder that I was no different than a robot at this point, and it didn't even hurt. A reminder that the thing that made me truly a person had slipped away from me.
I was ready to just go to sleep. I laid down on my bed, set the knife down next to my head, pulled a few random pills out from under my pillow, and a bottle of sake from under my bed. I popped the pills in my mouth and swallowed them down with a few large gulps of sake. I turned onto my side, slit my throat slightly and closed my eyes. The only thought on my mind right before I fell asleep - or fell unconscious, rather - was the same as it always was every night...
They were lying when they said apathy was bliss.